While I was decluttering I came across my old journal which documented my journey towards graduate school in the US:

March 13, 2000

I have this plan to further study in the US, somewhere in the east coast…. Well, it is just a plan. Still a very long way to go, no finances or offer. I wonder if it will really come true.

February 14, 2003

Valentine’s day and I was at home waiting for a long distance phone call from the US. The call came at 10:30pm and from then on, it was 25 minutes of stumbling and ah-eh-ah-eh. I’m so glad that is over. The people at Lehigh seemed interested in me, in their words “impressed with your credentials.” They pretty much accepted me (if I read in between the lines correctly) and even sort of promised me funding. Now all I have to do is wait for the official offer and then I can do some major celebrating. But before that comes, I’d better not jump off any cliffs.

March 19, 2003

Getting the experience and the degree in the US comes with a high price. Once upon a time when it wasn’t a reality, it didn’t seem so hefty. But now that it is almost at hand, I do doubt whether it is worth it….the years spent away from home, family, loved ones. Maybe if I was 18 or 19 or 20, it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. But at 28, it just seems so BIG because not many of my friends with my background are making moves this big.

Maybe it is the great adventure. The homesickness would be massive and there will be no instant cure.

May 25, 2003

I think Lehigh is an open door but I cannot say for sure that this is God’s will for me. But the way the doors have opened, even though sometimes I feel I have blown it, just points to divine intervention. And now that Chris and Ivan will be picking me up from Newark and the Malaysian students have opened their home to me for temporary housing and all, I can’t help but know that Someone is looking out for me. Besides, I don’t know why I chose and applied to Lehigh. I just wanted somewhere that is not too competitive. And Lehigh ended up being the only one that offered financial aid.